Back to Work

Well Ethan and I have both survived two days of me being back to work.  I'm guessing he's survived a little better than I did.  I had been dreading this time and it came way too quick.  It's amazing how fast 12 weeks can fly by.  I had jitters like it was the first day of school.  I was scared I wouldn't get any sleep the night before, that I would be late, that I would forget how to do my job and most of all, that Ethan wouldn't do great at daycare or that he wouldn't know who I was when I picked him up.  The sleep part went fine, Ethan slept his usual 4 hours and then I was up an hour and back to bed for 2.  Not a whole lot of sleep, but it's what I expected.  I quickly got ready in the morning and then debated to wake Ethan up to feed him or just pump.  I decided to just pump so I wouldn't be even more rushed to get out the door.  Right as I finished pumping Ethan woke up again, this time Kevin got him up and fed him the bottle I had just pumped.  Then it was time for me to leave for work.  I FELL APART.  I was sobbing as I walked out the door, leaving him was the hardest thing I've done in my life so far.  Kevin reassured me everything would be fine and to just get in the car and keep driving, so that is what I did.  The first co-worker I encountered sympathized how hard it is to come back and I quickly told her I couldn't talk about it.  When I got in my office and saw my closest co-worker Maria, I lost it again.  Good thing Maria is used to seeing me cry!

Kevin got daycare drop off duty and texted me a picture of Ethan all dressed and loaded up in his carseat ready for his first day!  I surprisingly didn't cry at the picture, just enjoyed seeing my little man looking happy and ready to go.  Kevin later sent me an e-mail saying that everything went great and Debbie, our daycare lady had set rules for Ethan with the other kids while Kevin was there.  All of this was reassuring that he is in the best place possible if he can't be at home with one of us.  My work day was crazy so it flew by.  It was so crazy I didn't even get a chance to call and check on Ethan.  The time to pick him up though couldn't come soon enough, I was ready to snuggle my little man and see his million dollar smile.  When I got to Debbie's Ethan was hanging out in a bouncy seat playing with toys looking as happy as ever.  I was hoping when he saw me I'd get a smile, instead he turned his head away from me.  A little piece of my heart broke right there, he didn't smile at me at all, instead he looked away!  After talking with Debbie about the day, I loaded Ethan up and brought him home.  When we got home I finally got to see the smile I had been waiting for all day!  Debbie said that Ethan did great, he took a bottle no problem, took a couple of naps and the other kids loved him.  I was so happy to hear things went great the first day!  Later that night Ethan must have been worn out from daycare because he went to sleep without any problems at 8:30pm!  He usually never goes to bed until 10:30pm, so I'm guessing daycare wore him out!  Day 2 went just as well, except Debbie got to witness Ethan's ability to fight sleep.  He did not want to take a morning nap, but finally did.  I didn't fair as well on day 2.  Work was fine, but I was exhausted when I got home...I'm missing my going back to bed in the morning after I get up and feed Ethan!

Today we are home together as I have the day off of work.  I can already tell that Ethan knows when it's nap time and is much better about going down for naps.  This morning he took an hour nap and I joined him and now he's on hour 2 of his 2nd nap!  It's nice to be able to have some days at home with him still and ease back into work.  Being a working mom is hard, but I know it will get easier.  I'm struggling finding time to pump at work and that is stressing me out.  I want to keep breast feeding after all the hard work I put into it while on maternity leave.  I'm hoping tomorrow at work I'll be able to find more time and the more I get back into it, the easier it will be.

Better go get some stuff done around the house before the little man wakes up!