3 months

Ethan,  our little man...you are now 3 months old!  This 3rd month has brought lots of changes, mommy going back to work, you going to daycare, and lots of changes in your behavior and personality.  You are now smiling a ton and even giggling occasionally.  You love to have me kiss your cheeks and neck and blow raspberries on your belly.  I've started flying you above my head and you love it!  You'll laugh and smile at all the funny things mommy does.  Daycare is going great and the kids seem to love you.  The other day they called you baby Fred, I'm still not sure why but the other kids thought it was funny.  We are slowly getting into a little bit of a routine and you're back to sleeping better throughout the night.  You now usually go to bed between 8:30 and 10pm and are much easier to get to fall asleep.  Your latest trend is to wake up around 4am, so mommy usually starts her work days at this time too!  You seem to know when I have a day off and usually wake up more on those nights.  I don't mind so much since I get to take naps with you on my days off.  Napping is going better too.  You usually go down for an hour in the morning and then another hour or two in the afternoon, although you can still be quite the cat napper!  You still nap best while being held, but are getting better at napping for longer in your crib.  You know it's time to go to sleep when we turn on your sea horse and giraffe.  You love to fall asleep listening to both of them and you usually stir for a second when they turn off. 

As far as eating goes you are still breastfeeding.  I've managed to continue to pump and make enough milk, but I also continue to stress about it daily.  I'm still taking the herbal supplements to help my production and I've found eating oatmeal for breakfast helps as well!  I pump in the morning before work and Daddy brings that bottle to daycare.  You usually eat 13-15 ounces while at daycare and so far I've been able to pump that much at work.  I weighed you this week and you were 13lbs 8oz!  Still a little peanut, but you're gaining what you should be.  I guess what we're doing is still working. 

The biggest news this week is that you rolled over for the first time yesterday!  Aleks and Kade were over visiting us and I wanted to show Aleks how much you hate tummy time.  You were crying like usual while being on your tummy, but instead of just crying and being mad, you made yourself roll over from your tummy to your back!  I still can't believe you did it, but Aleks was there to confirm it!  I was so proud of you!  You were pretty proud of yourself too...all smiles afterwards!  I tried to have you do it for daddy, but so far you haven't.  I'm working this weekend and you get to spend the weekend with Dad so maybe you'll show off for him then! 

You continue to amaze us and teach us so many things little man!  We love you so much and can't imagine life without you!!  I'm at work so I can't post your 3 month picture but will do it when I'm at home. 

Back to Work

Well Ethan and I have both survived two days of me being back to work.  I'm guessing he's survived a little better than I did.  I had been dreading this time and it came way too quick.  It's amazing how fast 12 weeks can fly by.  I had jitters like it was the first day of school.  I was scared I wouldn't get any sleep the night before, that I would be late, that I would forget how to do my job and most of all, that Ethan wouldn't do great at daycare or that he wouldn't know who I was when I picked him up.  The sleep part went fine, Ethan slept his usual 4 hours and then I was up an hour and back to bed for 2.  Not a whole lot of sleep, but it's what I expected.  I quickly got ready in the morning and then debated to wake Ethan up to feed him or just pump.  I decided to just pump so I wouldn't be even more rushed to get out the door.  Right as I finished pumping Ethan woke up again, this time Kevin got him up and fed him the bottle I had just pumped.  Then it was time for me to leave for work.  I FELL APART.  I was sobbing as I walked out the door, leaving him was the hardest thing I've done in my life so far.  Kevin reassured me everything would be fine and to just get in the car and keep driving, so that is what I did.  The first co-worker I encountered sympathized how hard it is to come back and I quickly told her I couldn't talk about it.  When I got in my office and saw my closest co-worker Maria, I lost it again.  Good thing Maria is used to seeing me cry!

Kevin got daycare drop off duty and texted me a picture of Ethan all dressed and loaded up in his carseat ready for his first day!  I surprisingly didn't cry at the picture, just enjoyed seeing my little man looking happy and ready to go.  Kevin later sent me an e-mail saying that everything went great and Debbie, our daycare lady had set rules for Ethan with the other kids while Kevin was there.  All of this was reassuring that he is in the best place possible if he can't be at home with one of us.  My work day was crazy so it flew by.  It was so crazy I didn't even get a chance to call and check on Ethan.  The time to pick him up though couldn't come soon enough, I was ready to snuggle my little man and see his million dollar smile.  When I got to Debbie's Ethan was hanging out in a bouncy seat playing with toys looking as happy as ever.  I was hoping when he saw me I'd get a smile, instead he turned his head away from me.  A little piece of my heart broke right there, he didn't smile at me at all, instead he looked away!  After talking with Debbie about the day, I loaded Ethan up and brought him home.  When we got home I finally got to see the smile I had been waiting for all day!  Debbie said that Ethan did great, he took a bottle no problem, took a couple of naps and the other kids loved him.  I was so happy to hear things went great the first day!  Later that night Ethan must have been worn out from daycare because he went to sleep without any problems at 8:30pm!  He usually never goes to bed until 10:30pm, so I'm guessing daycare wore him out!  Day 2 went just as well, except Debbie got to witness Ethan's ability to fight sleep.  He did not want to take a morning nap, but finally did.  I didn't fair as well on day 2.  Work was fine, but I was exhausted when I got home...I'm missing my going back to bed in the morning after I get up and feed Ethan!

Today we are home together as I have the day off of work.  I can already tell that Ethan knows when it's nap time and is much better about going down for naps.  This morning he took an hour nap and I joined him and now he's on hour 2 of his 2nd nap!  It's nice to be able to have some days at home with him still and ease back into work.  Being a working mom is hard, but I know it will get easier.  I'm struggling finding time to pump at work and that is stressing me out.  I want to keep breast feeding after all the hard work I put into it while on maternity leave.  I'm hoping tomorrow at work I'll be able to find more time and the more I get back into it, the easier it will be.

Better go get some stuff done around the house before the little man wakes up!

Dad's turn to update

Well since I had bought the camera and video recorder for Kelsey, I figured I can post pictures and videos on the blog if I want.  It's only fair right?

Big news this morning as Ethan just spent his first night in his own crib!  A whole room away from the parents!  Yikes!  He did very well i'm told, as he went down around 11, and woke up at 3:30am and around 7am.  Mom got a fair amount of sleep and Dad didn't even know what went on last night.  The video monitor works wonders and we are so happy that Ethan loves his crib.  It was a little hard to put him in the crib because it just goes to show how big he is getting.  Reviewing the videos its surprising just how little he looks in them.  He's so much bigger now and he's outgrowing cloths after wearing them only once.  I think we've got a very healthy boy on our hands.

Christmas time is here, and Mom and Dad couldn't be happier.  Dad is enjoying every bit of the Christmas season, including the mountain of snow, and Mom is loving snuggling with Ethan by the tree.  Kona seems to be indifferent, but has really turned a corner in behaving as a dog.  She simply loves that we're around all the time and in one spot so she can camp out, get a few pets and enjoy the nice warm house.

Soon it will be time for a change in the household as Mom returns to work.  Even that isn't set yet with a possible interview, but we're hoping it goes as smoothly as possible.  Today Dad has to finish Christmas shopping, which I am a few days ahead of schedule in my book, but weeks behind Mom.. (it will never change) and we get to have dinner at Bubba and Pappa's house.  We're looking forward to Christmas and seeing family again, and having our first Christmas as a family.

Until then, here are some highlights from Ethan's growing up:

Ethan doing his smiles.  We have yet to catch him on video truely smiling, but this gets it pretty close.

GO Bears GO!!

Me and my cousin Gwen!

Our first family Christmas tree.  Can you see me?  I'm the blue hooded head sticking out of my mommy's jacket!  It was cold that day!

Nice job Mom and Dad!

Merry Christmas everybody!

2 months

A 2 month post about my little man but first an update since my last post.  After the lactation appointment I made an appointment with the pediatrician a week later to check Ethan's weight.  The kid gained double what they expect as a minimum.  Supplementing with a bottle of breast milk is working.  He's gaining weight.  I'm also continuing to take the herbal supplement and it's working, I'm making more milk.  We've managed to supplement Ethan with breast milk, thus avoiding formula and he's gaining weight.  All the chaos and extra work is working, so I keep on keeping on with it.  We shall see what happens when he starts daycare and I go back to work, but for now it's working and I've even managed to start making enough milk that I can freeze a little here and there for the future.  I'm feeling better about the whole situation.  Tons better.

On to the 2 month post.  Ethan...you are now 2 months old.  You are getting be more fun and grown up looking every day.  You love to smile and show off your dimple (yes, you only have one right now but we are holding out that a 2nd might appear!).  You love talking and having people talk to you.  You are very social which I appreciate because you are so easy to take out with me.  You usually sleep while we are out or sit contently in your carseat and stroller.  You are a great baby.  Last week you took to waking up about every 2 hours, this killed me.  Daddy and I have been so spoiled by your great sleeping habits that last week was completely unknown to us.  I became a walking zombie with very little sleep.  Luckily you've switched that around already.  You are still sleeping in your bassinet in our room, but willing be transitioning to your crib in your room this week.  Also you are starting to have more of a routine and even getting a little better at falling to sleep quicker and more on your own.  As I type this you are sleeping in your bassinet taking a nap.  We are also going to start working more on you falling asleep by yourself without needing Mommy or Daddy rocking, bouncing and walking with you.
We spent your 2 month birthday up at Grandma and Grandpa's cabin.  It was your first trip to either cabin.  We were heading up for our annual Christmas tree cutting party with the Gould's and the Cannon's.  Daddy and I were so excited to share this experience with you because we both love Christmas and all of our traditions that go along with it.  Mother Nature had a different plan for us though.  We went to the cabin on Friday and knew that there was a big blizzard predicted.  We decided to go to the cabin anyway.  Friday night while I was up feeding you, we looked out on the lake and watched the snow fall.  It continued to fall all Saturday as well.  Being at the cabin was great, we had no where to go, we could stay cuddled up watching the snow fall and hang out with family.  We were supposed to cut our trees this day, but the tree farm closed due to all the snow.  Our neighbor Mark called to let Daddy know that we had 18 inches of snow and it was still falling.  Oakdale was the city with the 2nd highest snowfall, we ended up getting 20 inches of snow.
On your 2 month birthday Minnesota had it's 5th largest snowfall of all time.  Despite the weather trying to wreck our Christmas tree weekend we continued with our plans.  Saturday we went to the Gould's cabin and had dinner, played games and you got to meet Dylan Cannon who is just 4 months older than you.  We had a great time.  Sunday it was bitterly cold but Daddy was set on continuing with the tradition of cutting down our Christmas Tree at Wagon Landing Tree Farm.  We all set out in search of trees, I stayed in the car with you while Daddy and Kona went searching for the perfect Christmas tree for 2010.  It was a big deal because it's your first Christmas tree.  Once Daddy found the perfect tree, I bundled you up in your snowsuit and zipped you up in my coat.  We headed out to check out the tree and get a family photo in front of it.  While Daddy was coming to get us, Grandpa tried to steal our tree, but gave it up once he knew we had already claimed it!  It was a great tree and Daddy did a great job finding it!  You love the Christmas tree...you watched Daddy put the lights on it and then watched as we trimmed the tree with ornaments.  You love to sit in the dark and look at the lights.
You are getting so grown up, your smiles light up a room and make mommy's heart melt.  You are also into playing with toys and starting to figure out that you can use your hands and arms to reach things.  While Daddy was out of town for work this week we spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa's and you figured out how to play with the toy bar Grandma bought you.  It is so fun to watch you grow older and start to figure out the world around you.  Mommy is starting to get sad because I only have 2.5 weeks of maternity leave left and I'm dreading going back to work.  The more you start to interact and figure things out, the less and less I want to go back to work.  I don't want to miss out on any of these milestones you are starting to reach.  I had a phone interview yesterday for a job that is very close to home and only half time.  I should find out in a few days if I got an interview next week and I'm praying constantly that I get one.  I would love to have the opportunity to spend so much more time at home with you!

Little man, these past 2 months have been the best.  We are so lucky to have you!  We love you!  You are waking up from your nap so I will have to post pictures later.

Mothers Instinct

We just got back from the lactation consultant.  This is an appointment I've felt like I should have made awhile ago, but at the same time kept putting off because I didn't know it was necessary.  I think deep down I knew it was necessary, but was trying to take cues from Ethan and listen to what other people who love us had to say.  In the beginning I was exclusively pumping and feeding Ethan what I pumped, he was thriving on this and was pretty happy, but I started getting concerned he was going to start eating more than I was able to pump.  I was also feeling guilty that I wasn't breastfeeding him and we weren't getting that bonding time.  So I started doing a little of both, gradually I started breastfeeding more than I was feeding him out of the bottle.  I thought things were going pretty well, he adjusted nicely and was eating well from the breast.  I was also trying to continue pumping to increase my supply and build up a freezer supply for daycare.

 A few weeks ago I went to my friends Aleks' house...her son Kade is just a week older than Ethan.  Kade was way littler than Ethan when he was born, but the day I was there he looked huge compared to Ethan.  It was at this moment I thought maybe something was wrong or not going well, but I kind of blew it off.  A week later, I once again was at Aleks' house and saw Kade again, he was even bigger however Ethan still looked the same.  I also got to see Aleks feed Kade, he ate like a champ and seemed to be guzzling the milk down...something Ethan rarely does.  I also took the opportunity to use Aleks baby scale to weigh Ethan, he was 10 pounds, only about a pound heavier than he was the day he was born.  Last week this nagging feeling inside continued.  I called the lactation people to talk about Ethan's eating habits.  I also called the pediatrician for a weight check.  He was still 10 pounds and had grown an inch.  The pediatrician and I talked about what I was doing feeding wise and she seemed okay with everything, so told me she'd see me at his 2 month appointment.  I was still unsettled.  Something still didn't seem quite right.  Ethan seems content after feedings and when he obviously is still very hungry Kevin or I feed him breast milk from a bottle.  Today I finally called the lactation people again and set up an appointment because I continued having a nagging feeling every time I fed him.  I just had a feeling that it wasn't going as well as it should.  Today I was confirmed.  Ethan once again only weighed 10 pounds.  The lactation lady confirmed that he likes breast feeding and also that he is able to latch on well, the problem is my body isn't making enough milk.  When he feeds from me he only gets about 3 ounces.  OUCH.

A little disheartening to know that the hours I've put into breastfeeding and pumping for the past 6 weeks still aren't enough.  Luckily for both of us I listened to my gut and took action.  The lactation consultant and I came up with a plan.  I'm feeling a little overwhelmed with the plan but if it enables me to start making enough milk to continue breast feeding the little man, I'll do whatever I need to.  If it doesn't help it looks like he might be headed for formula.  Not the worse thing in the world but definitely not what I wanted and makes me feel guilty and like I'm not doing a good enough job.  So the plan is to keep breastfeeding, continue pumping after breastfeeding, supplement with breast milk that I've pumped after feeding him and take some herbal supplements that are supposed to help boost my supply.  This is my last resort...I'm going to try it for 2 weeks or so, if we see a difference great, if not I'll concede and recognize my body just wasn't meant to breastfeed our little guy.  Really I just want to see him healthy, gaining weight and thriving.

Today though I'm overwhelmed with feelings...guilt for not doing something sooner when I had the feeling it wasn't enough, sad that I really want to breastfeed and just might not be able to, and worried that I've somehow made him worse for the wear in the past few weeks.  In reality...I know he's fine.  He's been getting enough to sustain and be happy.  The kid loves to talk and smile.  He's happy.  This is what has kept me from calling in the first place.  As the lactation consultant put it today, "The good thing is you have a happy baby, the hard thing is he doesn't really let you know when he's not getting enough."  Ummm...true that lady.  He's had me fooled, the cute smiles, the coos, the being content, you'd never know he hasn't been getting enough.  And maybe he has.  Maybe he won't want tons more after breastfeeding him.  It's a guessing game for everyone, which is what I keep telling myself to keep my guilt at bay.  So let the new plan begin and the craziness it will bring.  Let's also just hope it brings a somewhat chunkier baby and more milk from mom.  I guess I know what I'll be praying for the next few days.  And hopefully I'll have something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving...more milk!

A month old

Ethan you are now a month old (and a few days!)  It's taken me awhile to get this post written, but I wanted to document the first month of life so I don't forget it!  You are still sticking to the schedule of going to bed around 11pm and sleeping anywhere from 3-5 hours.  Now that we are primarily breast feeding and not giving you many bottles you are sleeping closer to 3 hours in your first stretch of sleep and then waking up every two hours after that.  You still love to fight sleep but are getting a little better about giving in when you are tired.  You still love riding in the car and it immediately settles you down unless you are hungry and then you let Mommy know that it isn't okay to be riding in the car when you'd rather be eating.   Over the past month I've learned that your nursery is your happy place.  You love to lay in your crib and "talk" or lay on your changing table and talk.  You usually settle down immediately when we go into your room.  It makes me happy to know that you like your nursery so much!  You are also quite the snuggler...you love to be sleeping in someone's arms or be close to someone.  When you wake up in the morning you often are still tired, but will cry until we let you come into bed with us and then will quickly fall back to sleep.  You are still sleeping in the bassinet in our room and still sleeping propped up on your boppy pillow but I think the boppy is short lived.  You are such a squirmer that now when you sleep on your boppy you usually wind up squirming into the hole and getting upset.  It's amazing how much a month can change you and us as your parents.  We are more in love with you than ever!  Since I've been talking about posting pictures forever I figured now is as good as time as ever to do a month in review of pictures! Enjoy!

First picture, showing off your muscles.

Mommy getting to meet you for the first time!

Daddy holding his son!

First family photo.

Hanging out the evening of your birthday.

Getting ready to go home.

All buckled in to head home.

Family photo before leaving the hospital

Meeting Kona for the first time

Hanging out in your crib

Family walk the 2nd day home.

First bath.

Drying off with Daddy after your first bath, in your Tigger towel

Mom's attempt to get a good picture for Dad, instead caught the cross-eyes.

First Halloween in Auntie Katie's costume from 23 years ago.

Kung Fu Ethan

1 month birthday, getting so old!

Another shot of the 1 month old!

Getting bored with Mom taking pictures.

Getting so big!

And there you have it...a month in review!  Can't wait for the next months and to see what changes they bring!  We love you little man!

4 weeks old

Today Ethan is 4 weeks old...in some ways it has been the longest 4 weeks of my life and in others it is the fastest 4 weeks ever.  We are getting settled into life with a baby and I have to say that Kevin and I make a pretty good team.  Kevin's a great dad and always willing to help out in any way he can.  The past two weeks haven't brought much change, but things are constantly getting easier.  Ethan still usually sleeps for one 3-5 hour stretch and then wakes up for a bit and goes back to bed for another 2-3 hours.  The most recent development is to wake up around 6 and then go back to bed at 9am for a couple hour nap.  As I sit here typing this he is on his second nap of the day and it's only 12:15!

The biggest change of the past two weeks is probably breast feeding.  I think we are both finally starting to figure things out.  Ethan is doing better latching on and staying awake to feed and I'm feeling more comfortable with it as well.  It's nice to feel like things are starting to go how I thought they would.  Don't get me wrong...it is still the most difficult and frustrating thing I've ever done!  I worry he's not getting enough food, that I'm not producing enough and worry about how I'm going to fit in breast feeding and pumping when I go back to work.  Kevin once again has been amazing.  He's constantly reminding me to take it day by day and when I'm totally frustrated and overwhelmed he's there to give me a hug, reassure me and give me a break from Ethan if I need it.  Overall though I'm still feeling pretty good about how things are going.  I just have to remind myself that I went into this without expectations and need to remember that.  It's hard when I start feeling guilty for not doing the right thing or worrying about not making enough, but I continue to try and take it day by day.  Being a mom is hard, but definitely the most rewarding job.

Kevin and I also got a date night this weekend.  We went to see a movie and then grab a drink and some appetizers.  It was nice to get some time alone, but definitely weird.  It's almost like we didn't know what to talk to each other about.  The movie was great and it was nice to get out sans baby for awhile.  Next time I have to remember to bring my ID so I can have a drink with my hubby while on date night.  I guess that's what happens when the diaper bag also doubles as my purse these days.  Ethan is starting to wake up so I guess it's my cue that I'm done posting.  I'll try to get pictures up soon and write more about the things little man has learned in his first month of life!